i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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