Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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