My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
