some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Randomize
