Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
