This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize