Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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