I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
