Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize