He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize