just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
