I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
