then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
