Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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