Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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