Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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