just tell him i said nine months
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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