she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
