I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
