first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
