If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
