I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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