matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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