Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
