Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Randomize
