The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
