Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Randomize
