i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
