Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
