OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
