I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
accomplished twins. life is a go
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
