Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
