I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Randomize
