Whod you bang
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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