Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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