Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
