so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
is it fun? or sober?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
