hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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