We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
