I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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