Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize