I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I AM VODKA MAN
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
