marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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