I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
