i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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