her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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