Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
