My liver just broke up with me...
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
