Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Randomize
