Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
