I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
