Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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