everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
