Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
