He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Randomize
