I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
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