Me. At least after what I've been through.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I need moral support for this bender
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize