I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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