I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
