I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
