I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
