I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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