I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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