I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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