Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
