If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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