you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
