you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
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