smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
The beer is more important than you right now.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
