I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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