Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize