I wanna bring you to show and tell
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
