Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
is wine microwaveable?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize