I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
