Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
