good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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