genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
