Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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