one two three fourrrrnication!
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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