please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
