Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
