I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
True strength comes from lack of pants
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
