My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I love you. Go after that dick
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