I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
