it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
