having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I don't deserve a penis
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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