Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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