I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
false alarm. still invincible.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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