I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
