They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
