Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
