Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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