I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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