ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize