u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
