The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
