I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
