So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
