bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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