Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
