ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
