Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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