uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I'm at about main and main street
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
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