Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
