Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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