He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
i out mim tonsoeep
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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