textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
