Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
