Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
