I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize