just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
