all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
These tits shall not be calmed
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
