Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
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