I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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