So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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