glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Less talking, more tequila
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
