dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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