Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
