I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Your cock deserves a montage
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
