I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize