the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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