I'm jealous of your bromance
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
